Kitchen Sounds

Halle

Pedro! I've been worrying about you..how's the foot?

5:05pm

Pedro

a lot better, thanks

5:05pm

Halle

Good I'm glad

5:05pm

Pedro

heard you weren't too hot, how've you been?

5:05pm

Halle

sick

fever

5:05pm

Pedro

...feeling too hot

that sucks

feeling better though?

5:06pm

Halle

Today was the first day I've actually left my apartment since Monday

but Frank sent me home and told me to take another night off

yeah just trying to get my energy and my voice back haha

5:06pm

Pedro

yeah I hear ya. I've been on the couch and Vicodin out all week, not fun

5:07pm

Halle

Cabin fever is about to set in..I don't mind being lazy but dude..I can't spend another day inside

5:07pm

Pedro

I hear ya, no I hate being lazy

5:07pm

Halle

How did you burn yourself??? God you poor thing

5:08pm

Pedro

Doing short ribs, the liquid fell n foot, ill tell at work there’s a lot to it

but I've doing a lot work in the comp, I'm doing the entire recipe book for roast, so that’s where I'm at right now

5:08pm

Halle

It went through your shoe?! That is insane

5:08pm

Pedro

yep

5:09pm

Halle

nice! I want a copy

5:09pm

Pedro

could’ve been a lot worse if it wasn’t for the shoe

5:09pm

Halle

I can’t even imagine..I'm glad your ok..It’s going to heal and everything? no serious permanent damage?

5:10pm

Pedro

nope

its healing it just burn like these take their time u know

but hopefully ill be back next week

anyways... im gonna let you go got finish this recipe book, still got like 80 more recipes to type for Monday.

5:11pm

Halle

ok get better soon dear and you know if you need anything im your girl

5:11pm

Pedro

be well, and take your vitamins, hope u feel better too

thanx

5:11pm

Halle

will do Pedro see you soon

*

“Halle do you dress up just for us kitchen guys?” I like that EJ talks to me more, even if I’m unsure whether he is criticizing me or just giving me a hard time.

“Always.” I wink.

“Hey, uh, Halle, your shirt is falling off your shoulder there…”

“It’s supposed to, Forest.”

“Just trying to help.”

“Yeah, yeah, you just wanted an excuse to touch my shoulder.”

“You’re right…here let me help you…”

*

“Hey kid how you feeling’?”

“Better than I was.” But the words barely make it out through strained, scratchy vocal chords. Travis’s face folds into an awe-you-poor-thing-you-lost-your-voice look. “It’s all your fault.” I mouth, pointing at him with my fork, now stabbed with a ripe grape tomato. Travis holds his hands up in defense.

“Dude we didn’t make out that much, totally not my fault.” I smirk and slide the envelope I have for him down to where he is slouched against the granite bar. The turquoise envelope glides easily over to him resting at his fingertips.

“Happy Birthday.” Manages to squeeze out of my voice box in little gasps. I shrug and finish, “I had to,” before he can say anything. But he doesn’t just holds that smile there, the one I think he keeps secretly for me tucked into the pocket of his hoodie.

*

“Halle, I don’t want to hear a word out of you today…not one.” Andy can’t fool me, trying to press his face into seriousness but cracking a smile only half a second after he finishes the sentence. The feverish haze has just barely left me and stolen my voice along with it, but not one more day in my apartment, pajamas, soup and movies could keep me from that kitchen. I missed them after a week and it felt heavenly to be back, even if they were busting my balls…so to speak…

“Oh hush up!” My voice came out in barely a squeaky whisper instead of the yell I intended.

“What? I’m sorry I cant hear you…what did you say?” Andy holds his hand behind the crook of his ear. “You’re going to have to be louder than that if you want to get out attention.” I slap him with the yellow polishing cloth and go back to helping the boys set up for service.

“Seriously, Hal, we missed you...how are you feeling?” I flash a thumbs up sign.

“Good. Stay fucking healthy!”

*

I can feel my phone vibrate in my apron pocket. Texting is forbidden in the kitchen but I discretely hit the buttons in the darkness of the fabric and scan the screen quickly before Andy catches me. It’s Nolan.

“Hey lady! I heard you were quite sick. Are you ok?!”

*

“Seriously thanks for everything you do…sometimes I wonder what we did before you got here…and don’t ever think I’m yelling at you…you’re the last person I would yell at.”

*

They sneak little bites and nibbles, and sometimes I wonder what they would taste like if I were to touch my mouth to theirs,

*

He seemed genuinely hurt...his soft, handsome features folding into an expression of dismay and concern. My chest constricts and suddenly I wish I could take back all of the negative feelings I ever had about him. Because, in reality, my jealousy is what drives me. I want what he has. I let him down..that is my fear..what drives my intimidation now...I so badly want us not just to work together but to be friends..and my guilt is driving me mad..smells like stale grease and salt left over from a packed house.

I let him down..I couldn't live up to the task of becoming a full-fledged server in under a month and cost the restaurant, and himself...he told me months ago..

"Through this process I will be nit picking through everything you do, I will be watching every move not because I’m looking for things you are doing wrong but because I want you to be the best you can be, I want all of the things I teach you to become automatic. I’ll tell you a story. When I first started working as a waiter I had a pretty big head. I hated that someone was constantly coming up to me telling me every little thing I was doing wrong. At first I blew it off because I was young. So there was just one day where I decided I wanted to be the best, and that meant fixing a tweaking all of those little things, even if they seemed unimportant.”

And from the beginning all I ever wanted was for him to be proud of me...to see how much I respect him and want to learn from him..and now I feel like a disappointment...hovering in his shadow...pulse quickening every time he comes around a corner.*

But I like him most when he makes me laugh...I like him when he reminds me of...me...

*

Yoga has made my body writhe and burn in places I have forgotten existed. The plates make my wrists throb and I can’t help but bitch about it because it makes me feel better.

“Yeah, girl had a hard night…a longggg night.” Dan’s voice drips in sarcasm. I pause and eye him over the expo station.

“Yeah and you just wish it was you.” I retort.

“OHHHHHHHH BURN! SHE GOT YOU!” I smile smugly.

*

Beautiful and refined with a touch of madness

*

Wait wait you’re leaving too?

No Sean

Where are you going?!

Nowhere!

Oh ok oh god don’t scare me like that. Who would make my fry cups? Because no one else makes a mean fry cup like you.

*

They come and go, new faces replace old, the ghosts of past line cooks continue to linger. Sometimes I swear I can hear Brian yell some vulgarity that makes me laugh despite it; sometimes I swear I see Jeff disappear around the corner. And now Dan is leaving and I am afraid of forgetting about him. Part of me wishes I could. The other part wants to cry.

“ Yeah dude I am stoked. Ill be around the tip of Idaho at this sweet resort, working under a buddy of mine I graduate with from the CIA.” I make a little extra noise retrieving pig shaped plates for him, slamming them onto the metal station where he places finished dishes during service.

“We don’t talk about you leaving while I’m in the kitchen. We just don’t.” My voice carried further than I would have liked as the kitchen becomes silent at the wrong time. The boys hear.

“Awwwwwwwww!!!!” They all echo in unison. Dan turns red and smiles. I bolt.

*

Chris is leaving too, accepted a job position as an engineer for some small company. It is only when someone leaves when you realize how much their company, and presence, means to you. A little glowing ball of light in the palm of your hand. We all see different sides of each other here and most have never seen the side of him that I have. Deceptively witty and cheeky, an indi film humor.

“It might be my favorite food of all time,” he says calmly, as a matter of fact without looking at me. Just nods his head slowly as if agreeing with himself. “But I really want to get Invisiline so those little shreds of meat don’t get suck in the spaces between my teeth. Especially this one place in my back molars.” He taps two fingers to his jaw line. “Then I could really enjoy jerky to its fullest potential.” Laura and I pause to gather each other’s reactions then break out in wide smiles.

“Fucking adorable, this one.” I ruffle his hair.

*

Metal against metal clashes and cracks against the atmosphere of the kitchen as Kenny pours a giant plastic tub of silverware into the polishing bin. It seems with sanitation like a plate of food fresh off the burners. I cringe.

“Fuck that sound is going to haunt me for the rest of my life. I am going to wake up in the middle of the night screaming because of nightmares about bins of steaming silverware.” I shift my attention from the prongs of the fork I am polishing and look at Chris.

“Good god now I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.” A hand jolts me and shakes me violently. I know its Greg without even turning around.

“Babe, polish the silverware, don’t make love to it!.”

“Dude, I don’t make love…”

*